new outlook ...

i have a new attitude about things in life ; on this vacation i had a lot of time to think things over ... and i realize you can learn from everything that happens to you in life ... i feel so much better about myself & different things have been brought to the light . like i refuse to get upset over small things because life is too short ; and im starting to think alot wiser than before ... everyone knows me as the shy & sensitive girl but not anymore ; im over this WHOLE being label crap ... im not gonna stress over some boy ; and sit here and cry cause they messed up not gonna happen cause i know i'll find someone better ... you leave me you won't see me sad . im focus because im ready to go somewhere in life ... because i have a dream of becoming someone EVERYONE knows ... i refuse to let someone set me back from my dreams .. there is alot of people out there who HURT me and did me DIRTY .. but just remember karma sucks and everything you did to me will definitely come back to you ... im no longer holding my tongue in different situations ; im gonna speak my mind and say how i feel because im sick over being overwhelmed and letting things build up cause it only stresses me out & make matters worst ... yes im single i plan on staying that way for awhile cause im tired of getting the same guys who treat me the same way ; either cheat lie or just act like the never met me or cared about me and i refuse to keep putting myself in that position cause its not fair to endure pain that i can prevent .... so there im doin' me and forgetting all the guys that played me or just did stupid ish ... im over it and im living my life the way i want to cause im HAPPY & i haven't felt this good in a long time ... that vacation helped me alot ... and im glad i see everything different now i may have few stumbles but i know i can get back up and start again ....


- s.von .
"when bad things happen ; good things fall into place ."

guess what ....

NO CRAP ; AND ITS WHATEVER SO THIS IS WHAT I SAY TO EVERYONE WHO MESSED ME OVER !

why am i like this ?

i am the type of girl who is always faithful ; ive never cheated on any guy i've been with which is a shocker to most people but im the type if i really like you or i am dating im dedicated to that person ... if another guy tries to step iN ; i just turn them away ... but i don't understand when im faithful or dedicated it always backfires on me like they cheat on me ; or just stop talking to me ... just imagine how that makes me feel ... NOT good . i try to front like my feelings ain't hurt but they most definitely are ; yeah im good at hiding the way i feel about things .. for example put on a FAKE SMILE everyday . ehhh . i just don't understand ... wish words could explain ...



-s.von .

lost .....

im getting scared here ... are you not feelin me like im feelin you , are we not meant to be like i thought we would be .. did i fall for a stranger that was just using me .. did i kiss you for all the wrong the reasons ... am i not opening up for a reason or is it because im scared to get HURT ... did i fall to fast and get emotionally attached ; im lost here cause you send me MIXED signals ... some days you like me and other days you ignore me ... am i overreacting ; or is this real ? im lost here ... please help me find my way to the real you that i met before ... the one that cares and shows they like ME ..... hmmm i hope this is a nightmare because the dream i want you were feelin me like i was feelin you and we were meant to be like i thought we would be and i didn't fall for a stranger that was just using me and i didn't kiss you for all the wrong reasons ... and i wasn't lost because you help me find my wayy ...

written by sierra von .

poem called lost ..

complicated truth ......

12:00am and im sitting in bed listening to music ; and man my mind is all over the place ; i don't even know whats wrong with me like im sitting here thinking about dumb stuff and overthinking things ; geez why can't i stop & its getting soo bad to the point where it's messing up my mood .. and i can't talk to nobody about it cause NO one really understands or if i do ; i just keep getting the same answer and its really annoying ... i wanna hear something different but i want it to be the answer i wanna hear .. anyways , everything i write up here it just apart of how i feel no one will really knows the truth ; like i said i keep things bottled in i know it isn't good but its whateverrr . lately ive been sensitive to certain thingss ; my heart isn't strong enough to get played or lied to ... i just rather people be straight up with me so i wouldnt feel like i wasted my time or regret anything ... but idk im just talkin right now ; im just right now for NO reason ... im emotional people don't believe me but its the truth i just don't show it but i am .... i just hate that about myself ... ugh whatever ; im out im talkin crazy right now ..

- s.von .

UH oh ..

man so im going to the studio next week ; yes im excited but at the same time nervous because its my demo but im scared things are moving to fast .. i wanna be famous but dude im still shy .. but whatever i wanna go somewhere in life so i guess i gotta start somewhere maybe if i sing more and sing around people maybe i wouldn't feel so scared about this whole situation .. but whatever there is no doubt about it cause i know i can sing people tell me i can all the time and plus i sang opera for 5-6 yrs . so idk maybe im just overthinking things to much .. i probably just needa relax and stop trippin' cause i got great people backing me up & supporting me in everything .. i swear where would i be without my SISTERS . i look up to them they are my bestfriends always there for me when i need them most ... but i just need pray about this and let go of all this nervousness and use gods' gift that he blessed me with ... cause i do WANNA be rich .. and i swear i always got something to talk about or blog about i should say when it's late at night .. but whatever . just an update .


- s.von

how long before im just a memory ?

so its 1:23 am ... and im laying in bed just thinkin ' why don't i have a boyfriend ... is it because of my insecurities or my lack of trust ... or maybe its my fear of being heartbroken , who knows . but for some reason really i want something to call mine & i don't it to be like you can't tell me do this cause your not my "GIRLFRIEND" that annoys me cause you can do whatever you want with another girl cause we aren't together ... ha yeah IT BOTHERS me .. well whatever i just don't understand why im so scared to be heartbroken when it has happened to me before .. maybe it the pain and all the sadness of not wanting to do anything and feeling like you lost apart of you ... im honestly just scared of the thought THAT i might lose you one day ... well good things don't last forever but i sure WISH they did .. cause i don't want another girl in my place ; but i guess things happen and i wish they didn't ugh but i guess its worth the wait for the question i wanna hear ... and i know my teen years shouldn't be about love&&boys .. i should focus on school .. trust i can manage both . UGH i honestly wish I NEVER met my ex and went through all the crap then i wouldn't be the way i am now .. all closed in; my guards always up ; scared to share my true feelings ... i guess that wasnt real love like i thought ha that was straight UP ABUSE . but everyone learns from their mistakes and my mistake was to keep going back to him 3 YRS straight shoulda known he wasnt gonna change ...but im sure there is a guy who will show me different ; i just gotta give them a chance instead of thinking that they are all the same ... so i think it's time i let my guard down and be myself ... and share my love ... i swear you may not understand me but i PROMISE in the long run you will ... cause im officially letting my guard down ...

-s.von

just venting .......

so im sitting here , listening to john mayer ... man this guy makes me think i swear i love the song gravity ... when i become famous i wanna do a song with him so bad ... but anyways .. there is just some things on my mind ; that i gotta talk about ...well im happy for starters but there are just some days where i feel like i can't please NO one or keep them satisfied and makes me up upset , like things change everyday and i hate it ... because it makes me FEEl distance which isn't good at all ... i just wanna be close and held tight .. but JUST don't let me go ! then there's days where i feel just wonderful cause i just left your arms and then i feel like everything is FINE and nothing can go wrong until i piss you off ... which is never good .. i don't know why i keep thing bottled up cause it just makes me sad or uncomfortable ..but whatever if had one chance to say EVERYTHING with your back turned and your eyes closed i'll feel better without seeing your reaction , there is times where im scared of what people think but WHATEVER im far from perfect .. just i don't know im complicated and so are you .. but i just want things to go my way and live in a fairytale cause my LOVE life would be amazing as if it isn't already ...cause i met you ..but you definitely have those moments where you make me feel like crap ; but you do things to make me want you EVEN more ... boy oh boy maybe i'll keep the rest to myself .. and when i write things i don't like them to brought to my attention just let me do what i do & if you read then you read it just don't tell me ... im shy , stubborn , sensitive , and caring ... my mind is beautiful you gotta learn how to read me and then you'll understand me .