thinkin tonight ....

i can't sleep tonight , tossing and turning & having all these what if's in my head.. there comes a time in your life where you feel like why are things these things happening to me why isn't going as planned .. and after everything that has happened why did it end up this way .. God truly works in mysterious ways. like as of now i was thinking about all those time me and adrien ended our relationship , times where i thought me and him would NEVER speak or be together again after all the GRIMEY shit he put me through & but its like whenever i tried to move on his face always popped in my head its like i could never date any guys because all i would see is his face & i wonder why if i don't speak to my boyfriend at night i can't sleep , its like im UP worrying about what he doing & if he is okay .. but im GLAD me and him are together and went through all that shiiit because it made me become so MUCH wiser & better as a person . i've learned that i NEED no MAN to make me happy . anyways more what if's & why's . i wonder why life is so unpredictable maybe because if we knew what was gonna happen before it happened we would try to prevent it from happening if that makes any sense at all . i just don't understand sometimes how things work i don't think i ever will ... i'm just like everyone else still learning from my mistakes & growing up ... people tell me everyday how mature i am for my age & how i need to keep this good HEAD on my shoulders but its LIKE i hate when people look at me they see PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT written all over me .. like i can't mess up ... however i've been through so much in my lifetime i've been backstabbed , i've been CHEATED on numerous times , i've been depressed i would go days without eating , i've been lied too im pretty sure millions of times , but through all these things GOD always made a way for me to forgive and move on and be happy with my life & i try to THANK him everyday for that .. back to adrien sometimes i feel really bad for all the girls he has hurt in his life time especially me but when me and him weren't together i wonder what he did , because i know he had to wildin out i just hope he knows that its not a GOOD feeling to have your heart broke .. and always use to wonder if he ever thought about me or talked about me .. i wonder if he spoke good about me ? word for word just everything . me and this boy have been on and off for almost 5 years now & right now we are soo dedicated to our relationship nothing can go wrong ... SO NO MORE WHAT IF'S because what we have is perfect ... NO MORE WHAT IF'S about life because i know GOD has something good in store for me .im happy with life and its time i accept it and instead of taking it for granted . thinkin tonight is the night where i let everything GO ........


signed yours truly ,
s.von